ULTIMATE CRACK PAIRINGS
by Arsenic Android
Summary: Welcome to ULTIMATE CRACK PAIRINGS! A collection of oneshots with the wackiest, craziest, and weirdest pairings from the Naruto universe! Recommend and vote inside for the newest pairing! Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri, and Het


_**WELCOME TO ULTIMATE CRACK PAIRINGS (UCP) **_

_Okay, so here's the deal. I've decided to create a number of oneshots with the wackiest, craziest, weirdest pairings from Naruto that I can think of. I already have a few in mind, but I want __you__ to help me think of more. So, in a review, please recommend and vote for some of the pairings that I will post at the end of this first oneshot that I have written. _

_See, my reasoning is this. What I classify as an "Ultimate Crack Pairing" is one that doesn't have a big, or any fanbase at all. So, please don't recommend things that are really not that strange at all. Like, some people think that KibaXSasuke is bizarre, but I actually like that pairing somewhat, and I know that a few other people might too. The one that I've just written is KakuzuXLee, and I really don't think that many people, you know, go that way. _

_Final thing (I won't ramble on like this again, so don't worry :P) Most of these pairings will be yaoi. It's not that I'm a huge yaoi fan (which I am, but whatever..) but the fact that most of the characters in the Naruto series are guys. Feel free to recommend any yuri or het pairings though! Also, this will probably be rated quite low, seeing as no one really wants to read about certain characters "doing it" (having a mental image of Kakuzu and Lee now. Ugh) _

_**Story:**__ ULTIMATE CRACK PAIRINGS**  
Author**__**:**__ Arsenic Android**  
Rating**__**: **T __**  
Summary:**__ Welcome to ULTIMATE CRACK PAIRINGS! A collection of oneshots with the wackiest, craziest, and weirdest pairings from the Naruto universe! Recommend and vote inside for the newest pairing! Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri, and Het _

_So, on with the first one: __**KakuzuXLee! **__Warning: Kakuzu is very much OOC, and it's tough to describe Lee as he sees him. Trust me. Also, I tried to make it sort of funny, so I hope you like it!  
_

* * *

It was the moment that Kakuzu clapped eyes on Lee that he fell in love.

He first saw the spandex covered boy in the midst of green; the only thing giving him away being his orange leg warmers and shiny hair. Hearing him muttering phrases containing the words "youth" and "lotus" didn't do much to conceal him either.

Kakuzu had been wandering around the woods in the Land of Water with his partner Hidan, when the Jashin worshiper decided to go pray. Completely ignoring his partner's fury at "wasting money," Hidan vanished into the woods, promising to be back once he was finished. Kakuzu, being extremely frustrated, had sat down on a log to do some breathing exercises that Pein had forced him to learn after he had killed his fifth partner, and after a few minutes of this, he calmed down considerably.

Standing up to stretch his legs, Kakuzu spotted a flash of orange in the trees and heard someone talking. Quickly assuming the worst, he crouched down among the bushes to observe the person making the noise.

At first sight, he saw what he thought was some form of a kage bunshin gone wrong. After carefully examining the person again, he found that he was enthralled by the angelic beauty of the ninja doing small laps around the clearing of trees in front of him. The boy he was looking at was clothed from head to toe in stretchy green spandex which left nothing to the imagination. He sported garish orange leg warmers, and a shiny bowl cut, complete with fuzzy eyebrows underneath the bangs cut straight across his forehead.

Kakuzu was in love. The very first thought to cross his mind was how much he could make for capturing this angel, holding him hostage, and demanding a ransom. After multiple money signs appeared in his eyes, he shook his head to rethink his options. He wanted the spandex wearing beauty all to himself, and although holding him hostage was an appealing idea, he wanted them to have a loving relationship.

Kakuzu was surprised at the way he was thinking, for he had never felt this way before about anyone else, and he quickly looked around in the vicinity for his religious partner. Convinced that Hidan had not read his mind from the place where he had gone to pray, Kakuzu turned his head back to continue staring at the beauty that was Lee.

At first he thought that his eyes had gotten strained, because all he could see was green, but after a moment's reflection, Kakuzu realized he was staring directly at Lee's spandex-clad leg.

Falling onto his back quite ungracefully, the masked man looked up at Lee who was currently giving him a thumbs-up.

"Feeling youthful my friend? Let me help you up!" Lee grinned happily at Kakuzu and held out his hand which the other man gladly took. Pulling him up with a slight grunt, Lee looked at Kakuzu who was currently brushing himself off.

Lee only slightly raised an eyebrow at the other man's eccentric appearance. He was wearing a long black coat with red clouds, which could have been tighter in Lee's opinion, as he thought anything looser than his own outfit would be too cumbersome to fight in. He had a mask like Kakashi's on, and strange colored eyes. Instead of being turned off by his eyes, Lee was thrilled as he thought of a way he could become more like his sensei, Gai.

See, the way Lee saw it, Gai-sensei was the ultimate role model. He had his amazing haircut, the awesome form-fitting suit, and the same nice-guy pose. Brushing his teeth every night so that they shined like Gai's, Lee was only missing one thing. And that was an eternal rival.

Seeing the man's mask, which he thought rivaled Kakashi's in youthfulness, he immediately thought of Gai, and how proud he would be if his favorite student had an eternal rival.

"U-um" Kakuzu was speaking. He was slightly embarrassed to have been caught staring, and being this close to Lee made him blush slightly. Known for his violence and his fierceness, Kakuzu felt very stupid as these new emotions were taking place of his anger. He almost wanted to find Hidan so the Jashin worshipper could beat some sense into him.

"What's your name youthful one?" Lee was very excited about the prospect of gaining an eternal rival, and when he gets excited, he shouts, which is what he did right then, surprising Kakuzu and making him jump slightly. Being startled into a jump did not bode well with the masked man, and he was very embarrassed at being seen as someone who scares easily. Lee however did not notice, but instead kept grinning stupidly at the other ninja.

"Kakuzu. You?" Talking made him considerably calmer, and he took some time to keep staring at the beautiful spandex-clad ninja who answered with gusto.

"My name is Lee! Will you be my eternal rival? If not, I shall do five hundred laps around the woods! On my hands!"

Kakuzu stared happily at Lee. All he had heard were the words 'eternal' and something about laps and hands. The masked man was not known for having any sexual urges, but hearing Lee talk about laps and hands created some images in Kakuzu's mind.

Lee kept grinning and hoping that the man named Kakuzu would accept his request.

"Does it include money?" Even though he was thoroughly enjoying his time in his 'inner mind theatre,' (1) Kakuzu still had his priorities.

"Anything for you Kakuzu! Believe in the power of youth and… money!" Lee was ready to say or do anything for his future eternal rival, so if declaring that money was as great as the power of youth, he would do so happily. Kakuzu was thrilled. Here was Lee who loved money as much as he did, and wanted to be his eternal… something. His spandex suit was even the color of money!

"Now let us go off into the sunset and become great rivals… For eternity!" Large anime sparkles appeared around him as tears began streaming down his face. Eyes shining, he held out a hand to Kakuzu.

Glancing around the forest for Hidan, and not spotting him, the masked man grasped Lee's hand.

"Believe in the power of YOUTH!" Shouted Lee ecstatically.

"And MONEY!" a jubilant Kakuzu contributed as they skipped off hand in hand into the sunset.

-END of the Kakuzu and Lee love story-

* * *

_(1) From __Ouran__High School__ Host Club. Tamki has an 'inner mind theatre' that shows scenes from his fantasies involving Haruhi. Seriously. Watch the anime. It's amazing. _

_Haha, that was fun to write. I hope you enjoyed it as much I loved coming up with that! _

_Okay, so I have some ideas for future oneshots. If people don't review a lot for this, I don't think I will continue it. I'm not one of those mean people that pressure readers into reviewing, I just don't think I'll have as much fun writing these if I'm not getting any reviews or suggestions. _

_So, here are a few pairing that I have in mind for the next few oneshots. Please vote on these or suggest any new pairings! _

_TenTenXJuugo  
__ChoujiXOrochimaru__  
ShizuneXKisame  
__KabutoXAsuma  
TsunadeXKarin_

_Those are just a few I came up with on the spot, and since some of them are a bit… erm, questionable (:cough: ChoujiXOro :cough:) I'll definitely not be writing any "scenes" where people will be scarred for life. Again, suggest any pairings, and if the mood strikes, I might write it! (Even if you don't, maybe throw around a few situations where some truly bizarre pairings might exist.)_

_I look forward to hearing some ideas! _


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